when does this end??

what is wrong with you, michelle?  why are you so sad?  i love you more than you may ever know... please be happy.  please find a reason to smile and stop being so goddamn afraid.  please take good care of yourself.  please don't ever feel alone because you've got me.  i know you're wondering if you are just the result of two wrong people who never knew love... wondering if there is nothing right about you because you should never have been.  i know you think you're so fucked up inside... i know you want to let it out.  if leaving makes you happy, leave.  be free, be at peace with yourself, and find that long forgotten road you somehow turned off somewhere down the line.  cry.  let it all out.  breathe, cry, let it leave your body.  you feel as if you are plagued with a heavy sickness, a cast iron blanket envelopes the heart you drag on a chain six miles behind you.   what's wrong with you?  you left your heart behind, no just because it's connected to you doesn't mean it's still a part of you.  go get it and fix your fucking life.  there is no logical excuse for your behavior.  you had it all before and one by one you threw everything away.  yes, that's exactly what happened.  stop being stupid.  please.  you know, deep down, what you are doing to yourself.  you're scared, i know, but you're in a scary place.  you know how strong you are so stop second guessing yourself.

you can stop this, so just... stop.  start loving shit again.